“Americans Love to Hate, It’s Our Thing” (an amusing CNN comment)


The following is a VERY amusing comment responding to a CNN online Justice article on the attack on a Muslim NYC cab driver.  It is both an honest and funny narrative of our country’s oft-forgotten history of, well,  f*cking up just about every group misfortune enough to be different. Enjoy.

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Seriously, is anyone REALLY surprised by this? We American’s LOVE to hate…its our thing and we do it so well!

First we got bored of farming as pilgrims so we decided our neighbors were witches and we should torture and burn them…so we did. By the light of the burning bodies we saw brown people with feathers wandering around in the woods and decided it would be fun to convert them to Christianity so they wouldn’t offend us with their savagery. When they refused we did the only thing we could do. We killed them too!

When the witch burning got old we decided that the black guy out back picking our dinner should be hung from trees so we called all our neighbors told them that the black guy is trying to bang all the white chicks in the village and hung him. That was apparently so much fun that we kept that in style for centuries!

When hanging blacks got old we decided that Jews would be a fun target so we started in on them. Hey, lets blame the Jews for everything, YAY, and then lets beat em up too and kill em. So we did. Then the Jews were stupid enough to join up with the blacks and march with them for civil rights…oh my now the fun begins in the back woods of Alabama!

Well, you can only beat up and so many Jews and Blacks and burn only so many witches. So then World War II happened and we put all the Japanese into internment camps because all Japanese could not be trusted. Funny that we declared war on Germany and Italy too but we didn’t go about arresting German and Italian citizens. Oh yeah, they’re white so they’re cool.

SO, yeah, its been relatively quiet for some time now…that is until 9/11. Those dirty Muslims…its all their fault! So we begin again with the latest American hate fashion trend. Since we were already busy blaming Mexicans for all of our issues anyway and since people from the Middle East are roughly the same brown color as Mexicans, no sense in not giving them a good beating too!

Okay, so we hate blacks because they wanna bang all the white chicks. We hate Mexicans because they keep mowing our lawns. We hate Jews because they refuse to accept Christ as their savior. We hate Muslims because they keep blowing us up all the time. We hate Indians because they are taking all the Doctor jobs that we could have gotten with our High School education. We hate Native Americans they were in our way when we were trying to smash down the forests and kill all the animals to make room for our mansions. We hate Asians for making us eat MSG. And we hate anyone who doesn’t believe in God regardless of skin color because…well…because God said so. Did I leave anyone out?

You wonder why aliens from another planet refuse to contact us? They’re probably watching us and thinking: Hell, if they hate and kill their own species, what they heck are they gonna do to us for being green?!?

See? Amusing, but true. Keep it classy, America!

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